JEWS WORKING A “RECOVERY” PROGRAM

BY:  Yonason Witonsky

“If you stay on the train, the scenery will change…” UA slogan.

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Alanon slogan

“Its not a program for those who analyze it is a program for those who utilize.” AA Slogan

12 step recovery is sometimes the only option for those struggling with a variety of addictions or even the family member of an addict.  However, what is the essence of working a recovery program that can overcome an addiction, which many times has taken years to build? How do I know when I need outside help for my “problem?” What if I have a friend or family member who need’s to be in a program; how can I convince them?

All of these are important questions. The first and most important outlook for a person in recovery is “being willing to go to any lengths.” Any lengths in the context of 12 step recovery usually means calling their sponsor at a set time daily or weekly, working the steps, going to a set amount of meetings per week, and doing the spiritual work of living a recovery lifestyle.

What does ‘working the steps’ mean? Although there are many ways to do the steps including working with a sponsor doing assignments, or in a question-answer format the goal is the same: recognize powerlessness over addiction, trust in G-D to restore sanity, and making a decision to turn over one’s life and will to the G-d of their understanding. This is all done within a community of other recovering addicts who provide experience, strength and hope. The steps continue with the goal of maintaining a person’s spiritual status through a lifestyle which demands rigorous honesty, and willingness for keeping “my side of the street clean”; regardless of the other person’s actions. Like the slogan goes “it’s a simple program, not an easy program.”

Being willing to go to any lengths also means never giving up. Many people take time to recover and regain their lives, and this will usually include some periods of relapse. The most important distinction between a slip and a relapse is after a slip a person gets right back on the program. If a person slips a few times then there is a danger of a full fledged relapse.

Do I need a recovery program, or should I keep trying on my own?

This is not a simple question to answer. Usually the barometer for going into a recovery program is that “my life is unmanageable.” The power of the human mind to rationalize unmanageability and stay in denial can be very blinding to those who may need outside help. In this case it is always good to get outside feedback from a trusted Rav or spiritual adviser, as chazal state “a prisoner cannot release himself from prison.” (Berakhot 5b).

As far as having a suspected addict in the home, what’s most important to recognize is that this is not a program for those who need it, it’s a program for those who want it!” For most people the road from needing to wanting is paved with many painful circumstances caused by their various addictions. In fact one acronym to illustrate this is that G.O.D. stands for “gift of desperation.” People will do certain things if they are inspired, but will only make life changes when they are desperate! That being the case family members of addicts should be careful about shielding the addict from consequences. It is sometimes these very consequences which are the impetus for the person to make the necessary changes. In this vein in Alanon a program for friends and family members of alcoholics has a slogan that “we don’t prevent a crisis if its in the natural order of events.” Like I mentioned the very crisis may be what the addict needs in order to become reasonable and willing to really change. And nobody changes by being nagged into it. This can be a trap for many would be do good family members of addicts. Often when living with an alcoholic or addict life can be unmanageable for the entire family. Attempting to force solutions, or keeping one’s serenity based on the addict’s sobriety status are recipes for grave disappointments. In Alanon the slogan “detach with love” is very apropos in many circumstances. That doesn’t mean we don’t care about the addict, but recognize that this issue is not something I caused, can control, or cure!

There is a professional barometer for assessing an addicts’ willingness to change. This is the 5 stage model and includes the following stages:

1.      Pre-contemplation

A person is usually unaware of their situation, or in denial. Family members or other people may already see a destructive cycle of addiction.

2.      Contemplation

A person beings to be aware of their situation, and want to change but have no commitment or concrete plan to move forward.

3.      Preparation

A person begins to take “baby steps” toward resolving their problem, and may plan to go full force within a month. Most actions at this stage are not enough to significantly reduce addictive cycle.

4.      Action

This is where true recovery begins and the person is willing to modify behaviors, experiences or their environment. If a person has significantly altered their behavior for 1-6 months they are fully in the action stage.

5.      Maintenance

This stage is where the addict tries to retain all the gains from the action stage and prevent relapse. This stage can last from 6 months of sobriety for an indefinite period. (Norcross, Krebs, Prochaska, 2011)

In short there are no easy solutions for the addict or their family members. However recovery is a reality for many millions of people who have internalized a recovery lifestyle and remain committed to it.  

Yonason Witonsky is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice specializing in addictions, crisis intervention, depression and anxiety. He can be reached at 718-614-5449 or yw@psychotherapist.biz.

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