ASK THE THERAPIST

My daughter is finishing seminary, and it seems like she’s struggling to figure out what comes next. She’s not interested in college right now and doesn’t know what career direction to take. She also has no summer plans, and I’m worried she’ll just stay home on her phone all day. What can we do?

Does it help to know that this phenomenon is common? It probably doesn’t make things feel easier, but this is a conversation happening in many homes right now. You may feel stuck and worried about your daughter’s future, but many young adults need time to figure things out. If you approach this with warmth and structure, your daughter can find her footing. This time is an important and pivotal moment for your child, and it’s crucial to guide her toward a meaningful next step. The most important thing is to encourage her in a way that feels supportive rather than pushy. Here are some positive motivation strategies that might help:

• Frame it as an opportunity, not an obligation. Instead of portraying it as something she must do, emphasize how exploring new experiences can be exciting and beneficial for her.
• Connect to her interests. If she’s passionate about something, find ways to tie summer activities to that. An internship, apprenticeship, or volunteer work in a field she finds even mildly interesting could provide hands-on experience and help her discover her strengths.
• Offer autonomy. Allow her to take the lead in making choices. She may feel more motivated if she has ownership over her plans instead of being directed.
• Encourage, don’t criticize. Instead of saying “You can’t just sit around all summer,” try “I know you have so much potential, and I’d love to see you do something that makes you happy.”
• Make it social. If she’s hesitant to step out of her comfort zone alone, encourage her to do something with friends.
• Share your excitement. Sometimes, enthusiasm is contagious! Talk about fun things you did when you were younger or suggest doing something together.
• Set small goals. If she’s feeling stuck, starting with just one small plan—like trying a new hobby for a week—can spark motivation.

Since she’s unsure about her career path, the summer could provide an opportunity for exploration. Plenty of enriching, structured options don’t involve college right away but still offer valuable experiences. She could take a structured course (think digital marketing, graphic design, coding, or something in the arts) to acquire useful skills and discover her passion. If she’s creative or ambitious, starting a small side business (freelancing, selling handmade products, tutoring) might boost her confidence. She could also find a temporary job. Even if it’s just for the summer, working in retail, hospitality, or office administration could build responsibility and provide insight into different industries. If these ideas don’t resonate, it may be wise to meet with a career coach.

If she feels overwhelmed, you might encourage her to think about what she enjoys—working with people, creating things, problem-solving, or discussing ideas. Even if she doesn’t choose a long-term career goal immediately, taking proactive steps this summer can give her momentum and clarity. Remember: framing it as an opportunity instead of an obligation makes all the difference!

This new stage can be about growing together rather than growing apart. Parents need to understand their children’s uncertainty. Your daughter may feel pressure to “figure things out” while still grappling with the transition from dependence to autonomy.  Balancing patience, encouragement, and honesty can make the transition smoother for parents and children.

Hatzlacha!