ASK THE THERAPIST

Q. It took me a while to gather my thoughts and send in this question. That’s because I wasn’t completely sure about how to express my concerns. I’m a 27- year-old mother of  two adorable boys, ages six and three. You can say that I’m a very doting mother. My children always look well-kept, with their hair freshly cut and their shirts starched. They’re also the kids that walk around the park with a Ziploc bag full of freshly cut apples and baby carrots. Although they are always well cared for, I constantly worry about their health. I constantly ask myself questions such as “Was that sneeze a symptom of COVID-19?” or, “Does that headache indicate a need to see a specialist?” Moreover, the second I see one of my children running a fever, I begin to feel anxious and schedule a doctor’s appointment immediately. Is this normal behavior, or is something wrong with me? Also, are you able to provide some tools to help me reduce my anxiety about my kids’ health?

A. Thanks for sending in this pertinent question. I believe that at this time in history when we are experiencing a raging pandemic, parents are generally more concerned about their children’s health. It does seem, however, that you have been exceptionally concerned about your children’s health even prior to the outbreak.

While some mothers might feel envious and inadequate when they see your children in the park, little do they know about your extensive worries related their overall health. That said, it’s essential for you to empower yourself by affirming how well you take care of your children’s needs. However, your intense fear related to their health and your hurry to schedule doctor appointments is somewhat concerning. I’m certain you heard of the term hypochondria or illness anxiety disorder, but let’s take a minute to define it. According to the Mayo Clinic (2019,) illness anxiety disorder or hypochondriasis is when one worries excessively that he or she may become critically ill. With this condition, one might believe that a minor symptom in themselves or their children is an indication of a severe condition, despite the fact that there is no medical evidence to support this. With illness anxiety disorder, one may experience severe anxiety or fatigue which may result in severe distress and disrupt one’s quality of life. According to the Mayo Clinic (2018), psychotherapy and at times medication can help ease the anxiety.

As a therapist, I don’t have enough data to diagnose you with illness anxiety disorder. However, according to Dr. Timothy Legg in an article he published in Healthline (2017), the best indicator that one suffers from illness anxiety disorder is the constant belief that an individual (or his or her children) presents with symptoms that indicate severe illness. Moreover, they are so consumed by this belief that their distress becomes paralyzing. 

Based on this, I’d like to suggest some tools to provide much needed relief. The most helpful form of treatment (individually or in group) is cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. Through CBT, you will learn to identify your worries. In addition, you will gain awareness about how your worries affect you, your children, and your overall behavior. You will also learn how to cope more effectively with your anxiety and stress related to your children’s health. Another tool I’d like to suggest is staying offline, as “Dr. Google” is full of faulty diagnoses. Moreover, when it gets to your kids, stick with one doctor that you trust to avoid excessive testing and miscommunication. Avoid checking your children. Try to stay away from obsessively taking their temperature or asking them about their symptoms. Last but not least, stay active. Exercising helps reduce stress and anxiety. No need for it to be intense. You can garden, take a walk, or swim to distract yourself. 

In conclusion, we are living during trying times that make most individuals worry about their children’s health. Therefore, cut yourself some slack! Celebrate the exceptionally devoted mother that you are while healing yourself! Follow the tools I’ve provided, and if you continue to experience anxiety, seek out therapeutic guidance and consider taking medication.