The Observant Jew

Begin to Fargin

This concept began in a Pirkei Avos shiur one Shabbos afternoon during Sefirah. In discussing the concept of ayin tova, a good eye, the rabbi used the word fargin. It’s a Yiddish word that is not easy to translate. The Hebrew equivalent, l’fargen, means to encourage or to grant. The Yiddish fargin is a little more nuanced though. He asked how you would describe fargin in English. One member of the audience suggested what was actually the closest definition we could find: “It’s the opposite of begrudge.”

The rabbi commented that it made sense that there is no English word for it because this is a Jewish concept, not one to which the standard run-of-the-mill person would relate. Historically, people have always looked out for themselves, protected what was theirs, and not necessarily cared what happened to others.

In a sense, it’s correct, as the Torah tells us in Devarim : “Efes Ki Lo Yihiyeh B’cha Evyon (15:4), but if there shall be no paupers among you,” which the Gemara in Taanis (21a) explains to teach that one must expend efforts to ensure he is not poor, i.e. he should work and support himself. However, it is wrong to be completely selfish and self-absorbed.

The concept of farginning, however, (rhymes with beginning) is that just as we are happy when good things happen to us, we are happy for others when good things happen to them. When someone else has a new car, we don’t wonder why WE don’t have a new one. When we do business with others, we want them to make some money also and don’t try to squeeze them down to the last penny.

So how does one begin to fargin? How do we get to that place where we can have peace of mind and no jealousy at the good fortune of others?

It starts with appreciating that each person is his or her own world. Just as we realize how much is going on in our own lives, and how we have ideas, hopes, dreams, and goals, we must realize that others have them too.

It’s recognizing that we’re all on a level playing field, but moving in our own spheres of reality. We all have similar needs and wants but the flow of benefit from Hashem comes directly to us, not to anyone else, nor to a common area where we need to fight to get it before someone else does.

When we realize we’re not in competition with anyone we can start to rejoice at their successes. Once we do that, something magical happens. We can fargin – not just giving in or accepting that someone else has something – but being able to truly rejoice in another’s success, even when it seems to be at our own expense.

This is the ideal, albeit most difficult of attributes. A person always wants to be right. However, when one realizes that he gains more by being content than by being right, he displays humility in action and has begun to fargin.

Now, if one is unable to get to that place, R’ Avrohom Pam z”l suggested two other Yiddish phrases: Farkook and Fargess. Farkook means to overlook, to ignore, or simply not notice. Instead of focusing on what others have, you simply look away so you don’t feel jealous.

To Fargess means to forget, so that when someone has something that ignites jealousy within you, you put it out of your mind.

But don’t give up on farginning! The talmidim of R’ Akiva died because they weren’t able to fargin. They didn’t treat each other with proper respect, likely because they felt it would diminish their own honor, but nothing could be farther from the truth. On the contrary, when someone is happy for others’ successes, he is beloved and appreciated by everyone. They are the popular people and they live lives with much more pleasure.

Now we understand why this is a “Jewish” concept because we believe that everything comes from HaShem, that He ensures we each get exactly what He wants us to have, and that nobody can stop it. When we truly feel that way, we can relax, enjoy our lives, and rejoice in the good news of others.

In fact, you could say that farginning is the beginning of fargeniggen! (Or Vergnügen – look it up.) J

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 Jonathan Gewirtz is an inspirational writer and speaker whose work has appeared in publications around the world.  You can find him at www.facebook.com/RabbiGewirtz, and follow him on Instagram @RabbiGewirtz or Twitter @RabbiJGewirtz. He also operates JewishSpeechWriter.com, where you can order a custom-made speech for your next special occasion.  Sign up for the Migdal Ohr, his weekly PDF Dvar Torah in English. E-mail info@JewishSpeechWriter.com and put Subscribe in the subject.