CHOOSE TO SHINE

Choose to Shine 

Finding Yosef Shapiro 

Wednesday, August 11, began like any other day. My wife and I came home from work and began our evening routine. While checking my phone I noticed an announcement asking for volunteers to help find a lost boy. Honestly, I was not going to go. There were plenty of other people who are more qualified; hundreds of them. What difference could I make? I joined an impromptu Tehillim group on WhatsApp and said Psalm 35. While praying, I realized that this was happening 15 minutes away from my house. I asked my wife’s permission to go, half hoping she would refuse. (No luck.)

Then I thought about my own six-year-old grandson. Wouldn’t I want every single person out there searching for him if the unthinkable happened chas v’shalom? I put on my sneakers and a baseball cap with a white shirt, so I’d be visible. I grabbed two flashlights and a pair of binoculars, and I drove to the scene. The vast number of emergency vehicles and private cars already there was astonishing. I had to park several blocks away and walk back to the FSSP mobile command center.

I climbed the stairs of the RV and announced that I was available. I asked what I could do. I was told to stand by as they drew up a grid. I am not great at waiting, especially when I skipped davening with my minyan for Minchah. There were hundreds and hundreds of people waiting around to be instructed, and I thought it would be ok if I went on my own, so I did.  I do understand the need to search in an organized and efficient manner, and I commend every agency, public and private, for their professionalism, urgency, and efforts to find Yosef Shapiro. There were hundreds of volunteers who dropped everything to come and search. There were also untold thousands of people praying fervently. Do not underestimate the power of the Klal, especially in prayer. This was not a one man show by any means. That said, here is what I experienced that night:

I walked around with two flashlights for over an hour, calling the boy’s name. I showed his picture to random strangers, asking that they call 911 if they see him. A few people even joined in our search. As night fell, I teamed up with another volunteer, Dovi Fogel. We thought it better to search together as we started walking along the beach of the Paerdegat Basin, under the Belt Parkway.  We came to a paved bike path that runs east for miles. At that point we encountered a friend of mine, Avi Safran. I was getting tired, so I introduced the two of them, as I headed back to the base. The lightning frequently illuminated the dark sky, and rain was beginning to come down. I felt I had to protect my own health first, and I thought about leaving.

It was on the way back that I noticed a dirt path. I’d kept mostly to the pavement and the beach. I decided to try just this one path, even though there was nobody else in sight. A few minutes later, I heard a child’s voice say one syllable: “Ta.” I called out again and again but heard nothing else. I turned around and saw another volunteer, Shragi Obermeister, as I later learned. We looked at each other, amazed, and asked, “Did you hear that?” “Did you hear it too?”  He ran off into the marsh as I sent a text to NYPD Deputy Inspector Richie Taylor, one of the top cops running the search and rescue operation. I then called him, but his line was busy. I tried again and again like a madman. When he picked up, I told him what I’d heard. He got excited and asked who I am with, such as a radio unit. I told him I was alone. Right then, a Hatzalah volunteer was walking by. I asked him – what’s your name? He said, Rafi, RL44 (Rockaway-Lawrence Hatzalah).  I told Richie, “I’m with Rafi, RL44”. They were friends, and I handed over my phone. I sent my geolocation to Richie on WhatsApp.
About 15 minutes later, two ATVs showed up. They wanted to know what I heard, from where, when, where I was standing, and the like.  I described it as best I could, then asked if it was OK  to leave.  As I was walking out, a group of three volunteers asked, “Is that singing?” I ran back to Rafi and asked if they found Yosef. He answered YES! I asked if the boy was OK, but Rafi didn’t know. I started going back to the base and saw Hatzalah emerge with the boy, baruch Hashem. I lost it, and I cried like a toddler.  Some of us started dancing in the pouring rain, we were so happy.  I soon walked back to my car and waited about half an hour for the traffic to dissipate so I could go home.

That’s when I got the call from Richie.  He said, “Victor, YOU were the major break in this case.  The sun had set, the torrents of rain had eliminated any trail, and we were beginning to lose hope. That’s when your tip came in.”  I cried again, thinking that I almost didn’t come out to search that night.  I tried to rationalize that the others would surely have found him, but even the newsman shook his head. My efforts really did matter. The next day, Rabbi Moshe Fingerer of the Brooklyn Jewish eXperience asked me to record my thoughts to play for his kiruv students. I never thought my voicemail would go viral. People all over the world continue to message explaining what this story has meant to them.

Do you think you cannot be that hero to someone, that it would never happen? Here’s how each of us can step up in a life-changing way:
Everyone knows a few people who are single, waiting for their match. There are many, many people who suffer in silence, wondering when and even if their time to meet the right person will come. It does not take much to get involved. There are WhatsApp chats with hundreds of volunteers. All we do is upload resumes, pictures, and descriptions. Then we discuss ideas – this guy for that gal and the like. Some chats focus on a yeshivish crowd, others on modern, some are 50+, and still another is called “Just Jewish” (level of observance is not a prerequisite).
About 32 years ago, a woman from Toronto met me at a sheva brachos. She invested a few minutes to ask if I’d like to meet someone. She gave me a phone number. That was it. (That call lasted about five hours). Now every chessed my wife and I do together, every mitzvah my kids, grandkids, and generations to come will do until the end of time, is directly due to the interest of a stranger who stepped a bit out of her comfort zone and changed our lives forever.

Sure, it can be awkward or frustrating, but think about how our singles feel. I got a call from a young woman in Antwerp, Belgium, who has not had a date in months. She was travelling to America in the hopes of finding a shidduch. I also got calls from Israel, France, England, and other countries. Keep in mind; I just started doing this regularly in July, after we became empty nesters. Klal Yisrael needs more regular people to be involved in shaddchanus.  Personally, I am not a professional shaddchan. But I do care.

Nearly every Jewish organization and community has groups you can join to help, such as Oorah’s “Rebbitzens” in Lakewood (see Choose to Shine, February 2016), Agudath Yisroel’s “Compass,” and many others. There are also apps you can use. Strike the Match is a new app which allows people to carry around the names of the singles they know on an app. Just having these people in mind on a daily basis makes it more likely you will think of them if you hear of a possible match.

10KBatayYisroel.org was founded in memory of a chassan and kallah who perished just before their wedding. Due to the efforts of their parents and others, over 15 thousand matches have been suggested by regular people, not necessarily professional shaddchanim. 175 engagements were already made because of these efforts.
There are so many singles in pain, wondering, hoping, and waiting. Each of us has the power to give some thought to who we know, and who might be a good match for them. I created a spreadsheet just to keep everyone I meet in mind. I know or have spoken with each of these people. I try to spend a few hours per week, bli neder, thinking about them and who might mesh well with them.  My wife joins in on this discussion and helps tremendously. Her ideas are much more intuitive than my own, but that doesn’t stop me from my new passion.  I enjoy the time I spend meeting new people, learning about them, and trying to help. I encourage you to do the same at whatever level you can.  Try it out with one or two singles you already know.  Step out of your comfort zone. The rewards are priceless and everlasting.