The Observant Jew

Getting Back To Normal

Probably one of the most frequently used adjectives, which is intended to be very clear but actually conveys almost
no actual information, is the word “normal.”
In preparation for this article, my editor told me that many other writers are writing about “getting back to normal.”
I assume the intention was that as we leave the “Holiday Season” of Rosh Hashanah through Sukkos (especially
since we barely went three days without having to cook and eat large meals, take off of work, and wear our
Shabbos and Yom Tov finery), people are looking forward to having a six-day work-week again.
In this case, the word normal would likely convey that we are going back to the routine we had before Yom Tov
began, the typical rat race we’re all so used to. In truth, however, the word normal is entirely subjective and not
descriptive at all, plus it’s very overrated.
When asking a girl what kind of shidduch she wants, she will often answer, “frum, but normal.” That is not
helpful. Depending on the girl, that might mean that he is in kollel, but is willing to wear a short-sleeve white shirt
when he’s sick at home, just as easily as it could mean that he wears a yarmulke under his motorcycle helmet and
enjoys extreme skydiving and African safaris. Normal is relative to the person using the word, the times, the peer
groups, and basically, resides in the realm of the unknown. Conveying your idea of normal is as easy as trying to
nail Jell-O to the wall.
“Getting back to normal,” on the other hand, is a bit easier to explain, as it means to have life proceed the way it
had been proceeding until a recent upheaval or change. I wonder, though, if getting back to normal is
automatically a good thing. Sure, it may put us in our comfort zone, but is it the best thing?
I’ve mentioned before how after the September 11 attacks I heard two people discussing the carnage and the loss,
but ended the conversation by sighing and saying, “Well, life goes on.” I was incensed. Life isn’t supposed to just
“go on.” You’re supposed to learn from the events that transpire and try to change. I think the same applies here.
Over the summer, things were moving along as they tend to do: camp, trips, work, and then suddenly: ELUL.
We started becoming a bit more serious, a bit more somber, and a bit more responsible. Maybe we cried over
Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. Maybe we rejoiced over Sukkos. Should we ignore all those stimuli and go back
to the way things were before? What happened to our ability to transform?
Ahh… but that’s the actual beauty of the word normal. You see, once you change your routine for a while, the
new behavior becomes the “norm.” Let’s say you decide to say good morning to people you meet, even if you
don’t know them. At first, it is awkward, but over time, it gets less so, until you find that if you don’t say good
morning to strangers, you feel uncomfortable. It’s simply not normal to ignore them!
I, myself, used to force myself to listen to a Torah lecture for at least a little of my commute. Over time, if I got in
the car and didn’t instantly put on a shiur, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Have you ever heard the phrase “second nature?” It refers to something that wasn’t natural at first, but after
repeated practice becomes as natural to someone as the instincts with which they were born. If you learn the laws
of lashon hara and work on heeding them, when someone uses negativity against another, it will make you very
uncomfortable. Even if you used to engage in gossip constantly, by making a conscious effort to change, it would
become easier, and you will feel that you simply can’t besmirch another.
By choosing to change your definition of normal, you can change your life. By not just reverting to old habits,
instead of “getting back to normal,” you can update what normal is. That is power!
So, as we head into winter, with the days of Elul and Tishrei fading into the horizon, let’s choose not to leave them
behind, but rather to take the inspirations of those days and project them into each day, establishing ourselves on a
new plane with a loftier definition of “normal.”

Don’t worry, in no time at all we’ll be back in our comfort zones, doing what comes naturally; only this time we’ll
be better, and better off, than before.