BREAKING BOXES

Breaking Boxes

Raizy Fried discusses her writing journey and the need for real, vulnerable stories in Jewish literature. 

Rayle Rubenstein 

Raizy Fried knows her way around the kitchen. From her social media, you might assume she’s the ultimate balabusta—one of those incredibly talented people who can effortlessly manage an entire Yom Tov full of guests. A few years ago, she launched Inspired Living, a platform dedicated to “elevating and enriching the changing lives of today’s Jewish women.” But there’s more to her than meets the eye. Recently, she released a new book that’s a departure from what we might expect.

I first met Raizy at the JCCMP Challah Bake, where she was the evening’s presenter. She spoke to a room full of women about her love for Shabbos and the meaning behind challah baking and shared some fun tips and tricks for braiding challah. During a break, she told me she had a new book coming out. I was already familiar with her beautiful Shabbos cookbook, but this one, she said, was different- a mix of memoir and self-help advice. When I finally picked up the book a few weeks later, the cover confirmed it—The Anatomy of a Yenta: A Self-Help Memoir.

If I had to classify this book, I might struggle with the genre. But the title is a perfect description of what’s inside. It’s not exactly her life story; it’s a collection of her experiences and reflections woven together with practical advice for living life to the fullest.

Finding new kinds of books is always exciting, especially in the Jewish publishing world, and I was eager to learn more from Raizy—about the writing process and what inspired her to share such a personal side of herself. She kindly let me in on what’s behind the pages—her thoughts, hopes, and more.

Rayle:  You’ve written a unique book. In it, you mention a lack of the kinds of books you were seeking. What is the void you were trying to fill with The Anatomy of a Yenta? 

Raizy:  We have a lot of frum nonfiction. There are parenting books and marriage books, often from the perspective of an “expert.” You know, the kind of books where the author says, “Okay, I figured out the system, and now I’m going to teach you how to do it.” There are a lot of English sefarim, but those are for learning, not an enjoyable read. Sometimes, they try to make it more down to earth with little practical stories, but it still feels like a sefer, not a book.

Frum biographies often focus on the big stories—like how someone overcame a major life struggle or became a spiritual leader—but they don’t address the day-to-day struggles—the small battles many of us face that sometimes feel just as overwhelming. Every great figure faced adversity, but even thick biographies don’t dive into the real issues. I want to know more about people’s inner battles, struggles, and adversities. It’s those raw, unspoken moments that need to be shared.

I think we’re doing pretty well with novels. The thing I wasn’t finding—especially within our community—was a book written by a regular woman sharing her real, raw journey. The kind of book where you nod along when you read it. It’s like reading a novel, but it’s a real person’s experience. And with novels, you often don’t know the author’s face. There’s something about knowing who’s writing the book, that connection, and how much more it resonates.

Rayle: You seem to have created a new genre- the “self-help memoir.” 

Raizy: I wasn’t thinking about genres when writing it, but “self-help memoir” works. It’s a combination of personal stories and lessons I’ve learned along the way. I don’t know if I invented that genre, but I think it captures what I was trying to do—tell my story while helping others who might be going through the same thing.

Rayle: What made you feel ready to release The Anatomy of a Yenta? 

Raizy:  It really hit me when I started Inspired Living about two and a half years ago. The feedback was incredible. Women were responding to the vulnerability, the realness, the sense of being understood. And that’s when I realized there was a real need for it. Women want this—they need to feel seen and validated. I think that was my cue to write the book. I had seen how Inspired Living resonated, and I knew that women were craving something similar in book form. They wanted to hear someone else’s journey authentically, unlike an expert lecturing them.

Magazines sometimes include very vulnerable pieces—stories about toxic friendships or depression. But there’s always one thing missing: the face behind it. It’s always a pen name. I didn’t want to do that in my book. I wanted to be real and show my face. It’s a small thing, but I think it matters.

I think that’s part of the reason we don’t talk about the “normal” struggles. We focus on the big issues, but what about the small, everyday struggles? Like low self-esteem, feeling like a people-pleaser, or dealing with anxiety? These things can feel huge and affect our lives in deep ways, but we rarely talk about them.

Take postpartum depression, for example. We’ve made progress in talking about it, but now, if you’re experiencing the regular baby blues, it can feel like there’s no space for that. If you’re feeling emotional or sensitive after giving birth, you might think something’s wrong with you. But those baby blues are normal. I try to create space for that conversation, showing that having those feelings is okay—it’s part of the process.

That’s why I started talking about these in-between struggles. Not every feeling of anxiety is a mental health crisis, just like not every low moment means you have postpartum depression. We need to make room for these in-between struggles—the ones that feel big in our lives but aren’t necessarily crises.

Rayle: How did you choose what to include and omit from your book? You share some personal thoughts and experiences in some instances but are somewhat vague in others. 

Raizy: In my book, I’m very vulnerable, but I had to be careful about what to share and not share. I just can’t put some things out there, especially when others are involved. It’s not only my story, and I’ve had to respect that. But I’ve also learned that I can still share what I’ve learned from my experiences, even without divulging every detail.

Ultimately, it’s about showing women that they’re not alone in their struggles and that we can talk about them openly without fear of judgment or shame. That’s the book I wanted to write. That’s the story I wanted to share.

Rayle: Did anyone express concerns or push back, especially when calling people out as “Yentas”? I imagine some might have felt attacked by that term.

Raizy: Some people felt that the title is insensitive and offensive to the woman named “Yenta,” but the name and connotation of “yenta” are two separate things. It’s not like every woman named Karen is the stereotype of an entitled, demanding person, and not every John refers to a bathroom. “Yenta” is more of a stereotype than a personal insult. It’s not really about the name itself—it’s about what it represents.  

Rayle: “Yenta” can often have a negative connotation.

Raizy:   I grew up with many women who weren’t empowered to go after their passions. The word “yenta” has a different meaning when you’re in that environment. It’s not just about being a gossipy person—it’s about being the one who knows everything, connects everyone, and is seen as all-knowing. Growing up, I saw it as a negative term, but not because of the word itself. It was because the women around me weren’t being encouraged to chase their passions, their talents. 

For some, being a mother, staying at home, and being there for their kids fulfills them. And that’s amazing. But for others, like me, it’s not enough. You get to a point when your kids are in school or when you have time for yourself, and you realize you need to do something more. You need to feel fulfilled in a way that goes beyond the routine. For many women, there’s this tension because society has often told us we should be content with being “a good mother” or “a good wife,” but there’s so much more. We have these passions, these ideas, these ambitions, but where do they fit in?

That’s where the term “yenta” starts to take on a new meaning for me. When you’re not using your voice or gifts, you’re filling that void with other things—gossiping, shopping, scrolling through Instagram. You start occupying yourself with things that don’t give you fulfillment. I’ve seen so many women, me included, fall into this trap.

When I started putting my energy into my work and how I connected with other women, I started to shift. It wasn’t about trying to prove myself anymore but about doing something meaningful. It was about creating a space for myself, doing meaningful work, and letting go of the need to fit into a mold that wasn’t mine.

That’s the change I wanted to write about. The shift from trying to justify myself and my choices to being able to stand in my power and not care what anyone else thinks. It wasn’t just about career success or feeling good about what I was doing—it was about who I was, just as I am.  

“Yenta” is often seen as gossipy or meddling, but it’s also about connection. And I think we can redefine it if we approach it from a place of empowerment and purpose. That’s been my journey—moving from a place of insecurity and empty distractions to one where I embrace my passions, share my voice, and connect with others meaningfully. It’s a work in progress, but I feel much more at peace with who I am now.

Rayle: Have you reached the level of personal growth you encourage others to strive for? Have you made it there, or do you still feel like you’re working toward it?

Raizy: Oh, it’s definitely still a work in progress. I’m closer than I used to be, but I don’t think anyone is ever really “there.” We’re all always working on ourselves. And like I said in the book, I still gossip sometimes—it’s not like I’ve perfected everything. But the key difference now is that it doesn’t consume my life. 

Rayle: One part of your book that intrigued me was the chapter about being “elegant.”  You talk about caring for your appearance and the importance of looking good. How did your personal experiences shape that view? 

Raizy:  Growing up, I saw two types of people. Some women felt that anything physical, creative, or fancy was beneath them. They believed it was inappropriate to talk about things like your looks or spend too much time in front of a mirror. And then there were the other women who looked great and were very talented but didn’t feel comfortable talking about spiritual things.  I didn’t have many role models who were both spiritually connected and well-dressed.

The message I wanted to convey in the book is that a woman can be connected spiritually and shine in every area of life without falling into the extremes of either world. It’s about balance. Women should be able to feel confident and polished without becoming too materialistic or disconnected from their spiritual selves.

If I can do one thing, it’s to encourage women to embody all the dimensions of who Hashem created them to be. It’s not just about the spiritual or just about the physical. One woman shouldn’t only focus on material things, while another is only on spirituality. That’s completely imbalanced. It’s not how it’s meant to be.

Rayle: What are you hoping women will take away from your book?

Raizy: I want women to feel like they’re not alone. I want them to know that their struggles are normal and valid. I want to create a space where women can see themselves in someone else’s story and feel a sense of relief and understanding. Because when you know you’re not alone, it makes all the difference.

Rayle:  Is there anything you wish you included or omitted? 

Raizy: Maybe I didn’t stress that idea enough. I could have included more personal examples of what it looks like when you balance the spiritual and the physical.

Rayle: If you write another book, I’d love to hear more about your background and how you grew up. This book really gave us a taste of your growth, but it left me wondering about the bigger picture of your life—what formed you as a person.

Raizy: That’s interesting feedback. I’d definitely think about that. Maybe I’ll explore that further.

Rayle: Do you think we’re evolving as a community in terms of how we engage with literature? I know the Jewish music scene has evolved a lot, but do you feel we’re evolving as much with books?

Raizy: I don’t think we’re evolving as much with books, and I believe that’s part of why some people turn to secular literature. There’s a need for more diverse and authentic stories within the frum community.

Rayle:   I think there’s simply less demand for books than for music, and because of that, there’s less motivation to fill that void. People are reading less, so they’re writing less – it’s a cycle. Do you think a sense of limitation in writing is causing writers to feel restricted?

Raizy: No, I don’t think we’re restricted in what we can write. We can write about almost everything except lashon hara (gossip) and inappropriate content. There’s a lot of room for creativity and exploration. The issue is more about a lack of interest and willingness to write what’s real. People shy away from sharing their emotions, experiences, or challenges because they fear judgment. It’s easier to write about fictional characters or something that feels safer.

Rayle: That’s true. But your book is a perfect example of how it’s possible to write something real and still stay true to your values.

Raizy: I hope so! I’d love to think I’m creating a new genre where women can express themselves honestly and authentically. It’s not about compromising values but finding the balance between 

I hope my book makes a difference. If it opens up more conversations, I’ll feel like I’ve done my part.