Rayle
Rubenstein
March 15, 2018
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Rayle
Rubenstein
A Mom-Created Movement Stalls Technology…One Class at a Time
How much time does your child spend on a screen each day?
More than you want to know. According to a report this year by Common Sense Media, the average child under the age of eight spends two hours and 19 minutes each day looking at a screen. For children over the age of eight, that number doubles.
Do those numbers scare you? They should. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, kids who overuse digital media are at risk for a host of health problems, including obesity, sleep issues, and poor school performance. And that’s before we get into the topics of cyber-bullying and inappropriate content.
If you’re a parent, you already know that many of the schools in our communities have hosted parent meetings to discuss the importance of filters and the dangers of handing children a smart device. But you might be surprised to learn that Jana Partners LLC and the California State Teachers’ Retirement System, or Calstrs, which control about $2 billion of Apple shares, submitted a letter to Apple back in January of this year demanding that the company develop new software for increased parental control and study the impact of smartphone overuse. Clearly, this is a global issue – one that concerns even those who helped develop the iPhone in the first place.
All it takes is having a teenager in the house who owns a smart device to understand why everyone is so concerned. When that screen is on, your teenager is largely oblivious to the world. His (or her) primary means of communication is digital. And good luck getting him to shut that device on his own after a short time.
That said, however, we do live in the digital age. Like it or not, smartphones, tablets, and all other devices are here to stay. And some believe that the key is to teach children to use them responsibly so they can appreciate their benefits and stay current with technology….which is easier said than done in today’s world.
So what’s a responsible parent to do?
Here’s what two concerned mothers did: they founded MUST, Mothers Unite to Stall Technology, a grassroots initiative which works directly through an ever-increasing network of parents to raise awareness and set age-appropriate limits on technology for their kids.
It was at a health conference in upstate New York that the two, both moms of teenagers and both of whom decline to share their names, came up with the idea. Screen addiction was a hot topic at the conference, where they shared their brainstorm with Dr. David Pelcowitz, in attendance as a presenter. He was so taken by the idea that he introduced it at a lecture later that day.
The day after the conference, the MUST website was set up, with an enthusiastic go-ahead from Rav Elya Brudny, shlita. The idea was simple: set guidelines on a school-by-school, class-by-class basis, chosen and accepted by the parents who sign up for the program.
Originally, the plan had been to include set guidelines for parents which included a no-smart-device agreement. Ultimately, the program’s founders realized that they needed to accommodate all families, so they left the exact guidelines up to each class.
Shortly after the program was launched, Dr. Akiva Bergman of the Five Towns was introduced to it. He jumped on board and introduced it to his children’s’ schools. At a recent MUST meeting, he shared that approximately 2,000 children in the Five Towns and Far Rockaway have signed up for the program to date.
Dr. Bergman was well aware of the need for a program like MUST. He had recently opened a technology awareness center called Smart Connections serving people in the Five Towns and Far Rockaway after seeing the effects of Smartphone misuse on the lives of his friends and family. “It’s a slippery slope,” he said.
As an outgrowth of the center, a number of schools reached out to Dr. Bergman for advice. He subsequently drew up technology policies for just about every Orthodox school in his vicinity. But while those policies were helpful, they were far from successful. By the time his daughter was in the sixth grade, one-third of her grade had a chat – something Dr. Bergman says is not good for self-esteem, among other potential issues. He and his wife called the parents of her daughter’s close friends and said, “If we don’t give our daughter a phone, will you not give one to your daughter as well?” Ultimately, every single parent in the class agreed not to give their daughters phones. The girls are now in high school, and 40 out of 60 girls still do not have phones.
“The problem with a school-mandated policy,” said Dr. Bergman, “is that parents appreciate the advice but ultimately want to make their own chinuch decisions after 5 pm. School policies are also very general, encompassing the entire school. The challenges in first grade, for example, are not the same as in eighth grade. When a school presents them in a one-size-fits-all package, it makes the hanhalah seem very unaware.” Peer pressure also complicates things – for parents as well as the children themselves. And once a child is given a device or phone, it’s very hard – if not impossible – to take it away.
The MUST program seeks to stall technology – not take it away. It’s created, modified, and promoted by parents who are aware of the realities within their children’s classrooms. And, most effectively, it channels peer pressure in a positive way. “If half of your class is signed up, it motivates you to do the same,” explains one of the founding mothers.
Their program is designed to include one “ambassador” from each class in a given school, chosen as a MUST representative. Each ambassador sets up guidelines which seek to limit access to technology in a way that works well with all or most students in the class. For example, if many students in the class already own tablets, the guidelines might include limiting time, prohibiting access to social media, and installing a reliable filter. The guidelines are reevaluated twice a year, to accommodate changing needs of the students as they mature.
What sort of guidelines are included? A recent set agreed upon by a fourth grade class included: no personal ownership of devices with internet capabilities, OR, restricted internet access if already in possession; filtering and password protection of all devices, which are recommended to be family shared; closely monitored usage of all devices; and no personal phones of any kind. Some classes agree on parent/child contracts, which facilitate open communication while allowing parents to implement rules.
It’s not always easy to get everyone signed up. “Two mothers in my daughter’s kindergarten class refused to join,” said one MUST ambassador. “They didn’t want any sort of restriction in place. I think many parents are not educated enough about the dangers of smart devices when they are not used responsibly.”
“Ignorance is not bliss,” a MUST founder agreed. “Parents need to educate themselves. Rav Brudny said that small device is today’s yetzer hora. Yes, it can be wonderful, but if children are given free reign with no restriction, it can be very dangerous. I think it’s important for people to understand that this is not a decision for today. It’s a decision for the future. We can change the norm for what our kids expect at a given age. There’s a reason we don’t give car keys or a bottle of alcohol to a 12-year-old. It’s no different with a smart device.”
This is not a “frum” issue, the founders stress – it’s a global issue. And their motivation is not to restrict technology forever; it’s to postpone it as long as they can. The organization is completely nonprofit. “We’re doing it because we believe in it and want to protect our children,” say the founders.
16 schools including 80 classes are signed up thus far on the MUST website – with more to come as awareness of the program continues to spread. Eventually, the founders would like to see the MUST umbrella include education for parents. For now, they are expanding, slowly but surely, creating awareness and responsible limits one classroom at a time.
Sidebar: The MUST Gift Guide
The MUST website includes a comprehensive and carefully constructed list of suggested gifts for parents to give their children – instead of a device. Here’s a sampling.
Kitchen Enthusiasts
Kids cookbook
Smoothie maker
Shaved ice machine
Sports Fan
Customized sneakers
Favorite sports team jersey or cap
Tickets to a game
2-player arcade basketball game
Activity and Thrill Seekers
Electric scooter
Hoverboard
Skateboard
Gift pass to rock climbing
The Fashionista
Custom sweatshirt
Manicure kit
Monogrammed bathrobe
Personalized luggage
Sidebar: Sample Contract
After homework and chores are completed
Play date monitoring of technology use
My Parents Agree
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