Quest to Connect

Rayle
Rubenstein

April 5, 2017

Rabbi Bentzion Shafier on Building Bridges Between Our Youth and Our Heritage

About five years ago, Rabbi Bentzion Shafier spoke at the Torah Umesorah Convention following the publication of what he calls his modern-day version of the Mesilas Yesharim, Stop Surviving, Stop Living, and stunned his audience of 300 mechanchim with a bold claim. “We’re doing a great job teaching Tosafos,” he said. “We have Bais Yaakov girls who know every Ramban in Chumash. But we’re not teaching yiras Shomayim. We’re not teaching ahavas Hashem, emunah, bitachon… We’re not touching those. We’re not teaching them.”

You don’t make a statement like that at the Torah Umesorah Convention without expecting some backlash, but after 15 years as an educator in yeshivah high school classrooms, as a speaker who regularly addresses audiences of all ages, and as the author of a number of books focusing on emunah, including Stop Surviving, Start Living, Rabbi Shafier felt it was a very valid claim to make.

Indeed, after his speech, one educator approached him and said, “You should know, we’re trying to do that.” Rabbi Shafier says that no one else in the room argued his point. He says, “Everyone else said, ‘Thank you, You’re right.’”

Rabbi Shafier is as vocal about the subject today as he was at that convention. “We’re doing a terrible job teaching the basics of our faith to the next generation,” he says. “We have talmidei chachamim. They know how to learn. But the basics of ‘why?’ and ‘what does Hashem want?’ are missing.”

In fact, Rabbi Shafier began The Shmuz, his regular series of short shiurim available online or as an app, to, as he says, “teach people how to be frum Jews.” When he first introduced The Shmuz , much of the material was almost word for word what he had taught in his high school classrooms in his attempt to get his teenage students to truly connect to Yiddishkeit.

“If G-d doesn’t exist in your world, “Rabbi Shafier says, “you’re like a dead man walking. You’re practicing robotic Judaism. Your davening will feel like talking to a wall. The Shmuz focuses on emunah, bitachon, davening….everything thinking, growing Jew should be focused on. Our students are lacking in these basics.”

Although many mechanchim are quite aware of the issue, as Rabbi Shafier witnessed firsthand at the Torah Umesorah Convention, there is no solution forthcoming. “It’s very difficult to change a system, “ says Rabbi Shafier. “Even the idea of teaching mussar sefarim won’t really work, because they are more of a science and an art. It’s hard for students to feel interested and connect to them.”

So what’s a parent to do?

“You need to create bridges,” says Rabbi Shafier.

Rabbi Shafier’s Guide to Creating Bridges

It’s a Wonderful World Rabbi Shafier’s first rule of thumb? Show your child the world to awaken his wonder and understanding of the greatness of our Creator.
“The Rambam writes that the greatest way to come to love Hashem is to study nature and the creation,” he says. “In this vein, I did a series of videos showcasing niflaos Haborei – the wonders of creation. I find that one of the most inspiring sources of emunah are children’s science books. (At a certain age the material will be evolutionary and create a means of doubt, so I suggest sticking to the books intended for younger children.) These books show the astonishing things produced in nature; kids’ science books are well crafted to showcase that. A parent should sit with his child and say, ‘Look what Hashem did.’ Focus on the vastness and expanse of this world and teach them to understand that Hashem said, ‘Vayehi’ and all this came into existence. It’s a strong way to bring them to emunah. This is even effective for high school children. You can have them watch National Geographic documentaries and videos which they may find interesting. There’s a lot of material out there. The Chovos Halevavos writes that a person should find a chidush every day in the briyah. This was written 1000 years ago and it’s true today.”

Make Davening Real Rabbi Shafier gives students three exercises to help their davening become meaningful.

“Understand that you are speaking to Hashem right here,” he says, “not miles up in the sky. It’s like talking to a friend who is right beside you in a chair. Zu hi tefillah – this is tefillah. It’s a conversation with Hashem, right here.”
“Personalize every Shemona Esrei,” he instructs. “If you’re not sure where to ask, insert it in Shema Koleinu. Ask Hashem, in your own language, having a real conversation. It’s real. Begin to speak, and really communicate and acknowledge that Hashem is there listening.”
“Learn what the words mean,” he says. “You can’t connect to davening, and it won’t be meaningful if you’re mumbling words that you don’t understand. Schools assume that students know perush hamilim, the meaning of the words, by third grade, but that’s not the case. I’m not a betting man, but if I would stand in front of a roomful of boys or girls and offer a hundred dollar bill to anyone who could translate three random phrases, no one would get that money. I’ve tried it in excellent schools and never lost. I’m not pulling out Greek mythology; I’m pulling out Pesukei D’Zimrah.”

Find a Healthy Outlet The average kid today has a lot of free time on his hands – and Rabbi Shafier says that’s a danger.

“I recommend that every parent try to find a healthy outlet for his child. Outlets play a very positive role by developing sense of self, building skills, and teaching kids that if you work on something you will likely get better at it. That’s one of the most important life lessons not learned in yeshivah. The allowance for creativity and expression of self, regardless of whether that particular outlet has value per se, is a mitzvah of the highest caliber. We’re not living in normal times. The reality is that if a child has too much free time, dangerous situations arise. Even if the outlet he chooses doesn’t have a specifically positive influence, your child is involved with something so he’ll grow up normal and healthy. That’s huge. It’s true of both boys and girls.”

The more structured and progressive the outlet, the more likely it is that a young teen can be involved with it for a long time. “Any musical instrument – like piano, guitar – allow for creativity but are structured with lessons and progression,” says Rabbi Shafier. “Karate classes are an excellent outlet for boys in particular. Some like to play basketball and baseball in competitive leagues. There are art, drawing, and swimming lessons. A parent has to search and be creative to find an involved activity that captures the child’s interest. The parent has to be willing to direct and guide them – and of course pay for it and play ‘soccer mom.’”

“At the end of the day, as a parent, you have to be mispallel,” says Rabbi Shafier, “and try your best. I, of course, recommend to every parent to encourage their child to listen to the Shmuz. I know it’s a shameless plug, but in all seriousness, the reason I do it is to equip people with the tools they need to really connect and believe. We can’t change an entire system, but as parents, we can work with our children, talk to them, teach them, and above all, remain firm in our own belief in Hashem and daven to Him that our children will follow in our path.”