ASK THE THERAPIST

By: Rachali Goldberg

Q Throughout my Life I have struggled with symptoms of anxiety. However, since I got married and became a mother, tasks that seem simple to others often make me feel overwhelmed and stressed. Juggling a crying baby, homework time, and cooking supper are all daily activities that make me feel like I’m drowning. Are there any techniques you can share with me that can help me feel like a calmer individual, wife, and mother?

A First of all, I commend you for sharing this personal and very real issue you face on a daily basis. Unfortunately, we live in a society where on the surface many people seem to “have it together.” Little do we know that they have just perfected their “poker face.” Their calm demeanor makes us feel lonely as we struggle internally to fight our personal battles such as our struggle with anxiety. We feel that society gives us little permission to vocalize any mental health issues such as anxiety.

However, I hope you’ll feel relieved to know that you are not alone. On an annual basis, about 4.9 million Americans report suffering from anxiety. More often than not, these individuals are women of childrearing age that juggle a wide array of daily responsibilities that trigger symptoms of anxiety. These responsibilities might include working, cooking, and cleaning as well as obligations related to raising multiple children. When I treat these women, I often ask myself, “How is it possible to juggle so many responsibilities and not feel anxious?” 

I believe the first technique to cope with anxiety is acceptance. This means accepting that anxiety is an integral part of being an all-encompassing super woman. When mothers presenting with anxiety come to see me, I often ask them to list all of the tasks they completed that day. After listening to a long list of errands, cooking, work obligations, carpools, and more, I often begin to experience vicarious anxiety myself. After describing everything they accomplished, women will often say things like, “Wow, I do so much on a daily basis! It makes sense for me to feel anxious and overwhelmed. At that point I often provide psycho-education to help them understand triggers of anxiety as well as well as the importance of utilizing acceptance. This leads us to our second technique, which is mindfulness. Mindfulness can be described as your awareness of the present moment, while simultaneously accepting negative feelings such as anxiety. Mindfulness can be described as simple acts such as deep breathing and meditation. This can be practiced for as little as five to 10 minutes a day. The third technique I’d like to introduce is exercising. Try to exercise for as little as twenty minutes a day to melt away nervous energy.  According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, exercise such as walking, dancing, and biking are proven to significantly reduce one’s level of anxiety. The fourth technique I’d like to introduce is socializing. In Psychology Today, a Marika Lindholm (2017) state that worrying in itself makes the situation more difficult. Therefore, she recommends social support as a vital strategy to reduce symptoms of anxiety. This includes getting support when feeling stressed or helping others when they feel overwhelmed. 

If you find that utilizing these strategies is not enough, take the next step. Margarita Tartakovsky, author of Psych Central (2018), recommends finding a psychotherapist that specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). CBT is an evidence-based strategy that helps overcome anxious thinking. Should you find yourself still struggling with symptoms of anxiety, don’t shy away from exploring the need for medication. According to Marsh (2019), 7% of medication filled every year in the United States are for symptoms of anxiety.

In conclusion, anxiety defined as a state of unease or excessive worry is more common than one might think. Moreover, it’s a completely normal symptom to experience when juggling multiple responsibilities on a daily basis. In order to ease symptoms of anxiety, I recommend you utilize the strategies introduced, but most of all, remember, you are not alone!